As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
