My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize