'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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