He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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