oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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