watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
