The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
