Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who died my cat blue again?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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