My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
