Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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