i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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