Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
