I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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