I have demons in me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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