I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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