So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
