i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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