We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
