My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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