im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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