I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
