if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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