Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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