Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
