i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
