I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
