Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
