i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
