i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
