nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
