dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
