If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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