Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
