so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
