First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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