The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
