he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Enjoy the penises
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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