We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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