At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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