life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i out mim tonsoeep
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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