So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
