My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
