Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
