I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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