they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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