my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
