well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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