So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
