if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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