Cold hands, warm shart.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
thus making me awesome and them whores
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
