I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
